I have extensive work experience and a good resume from the point of view of specialists (turned to resume professionals), a good labor story – discussed it with a coach. There was a decree break, now I’m looking for a job again. The name is for an interview – and my old fears have flared up.
At old work, I was in good account, but “gray mouse”. It was as if they didn’t really notice me, the corporation was large, I did only my part of the work and never saw all the Iceberg, I did not have a global vision of the business.
As a child, I had a bad relationship with classmates, they poisoned me and called me a “nerd”. I left this in books and dreams. There was no bullying at work, no one offended me, but I still felt stress-because of the duties in general and if I did not understand something. And she always very much kept a distance with colleagues and covered her personal – she went to dinner or walk alone during. I felt torn from others. And at the same time I could not and did not want to get closer to anyone.
I’m afraid on the threshold of a new job that again this strangeness will be repeated. Help me figure out what’s wrong with me. And how to be with it?
Anna, as they say, our problems come from childhood. Not all, but many. The matter is clearly not in the previous work, where you were “in good account”. Most likely, your school life has been so traumatic for several years that
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you still have not recovered.
Big teams seem to you a priori a dangerous place. Your psyche goes into “emergency mode of operation”. You become very tense and vulnerable. Hence the desire to fence off from colleagues, keep a distance (even physical, because the school probably had a physical threat).
Alas, persecution in childhood never goes without a trace. I am very sorry that this happened to you, and it is especially a pity that you were forced to stay in this terrible situation for a long time. This simply should not happen to children.
You will now need a lot of time and a lot of communication with friendly people who respect you, so that fear retreats. You will need psychotherapy in order to regain a sense of safety and support to your inner strength. In the meantime, I recommend that you look for work taking into account your features.
Avoid companies where management is indifferent to psychological comfort and relations within the team
When looking at vacancies and talking with employers, pay attention to the size of the team and how the psychological climate is described in it. Independent work (alone) or mini-teams of 3-5 people is ideal for you. Large departments and giant corporations are not your option.
Also avoid companies where management is indifferent to psychological comfort and relations within the team. This is usually visible at once. You should be as cozy at the new workplace as much as possible.
And even in the most pleasant and small team, the first time you will be alarming because of novelty, a break in the experience. This is normal: the adaptation goes on for several months and it will end when you fully master your functionality and get to know new colleagues better. Then you can fully reveal your talents and continue career growth.
